I wasted a lot of years trapesing that cutthroat, self-depreciating path; the kind where you think that rising to the top is done so by running in a singular, alpha wolfpack where you're both the top dog and runt in the same degree; where you're jaded with zero confidence, but damn if the portrayal of some easily unimpressed, "i got my own damn back" attitude isn't on the forefront outwardly.

Maybe it's a coping mechanism of fearing that you won't be accepted or understood; or maybe proving your worth to undeserving people reigned top tier to just accepting that, well, that's how life goes sometimes. Just because one person doesn't get understand your magic, doesn't mean that everyone else won't.

Don't sell yourself short like that. I hope and pray that no matter what obstacles, fears or self doubts that you have inwardly based on hard times of trial, you know that those bruises are never mended by developing a hard exterior; because believe me when I say, the world is big, and there's a place of community for every single person.

Stay you. Open your heart to the gift of community. Smile. Laugh so damn hard. Always give more than you get. Compliment someone. Give too many hugs. Be mindful and gracious. And always remember that people's actions have more to do with their own internal battles than it ever does with what you're doing.. so take that shit with a grain of salt and keep doing you, sis.

You've never felt mastery of anything, so you assume you never will reach that level;
You didn't come from the lifestyle, so why bother since you're already at a disadvantage;

You feel like you always fall short so you probably always will;

You don't know how to do something, so you don't begin.

But that's all just a flinch; it's not really who you are; who you are, personality wise, is something way deeper; the rest of it, though?

It's all surface level.. things that you have the power to fix and turn; something you can morph in to. Self respect takes on many forms, but having the discipline to begin, try, fail, try again; that's where the sweet spot is. Here's the thing: if you don't do it, someone else will; and they'll do it damn good. It's a long ass road to the top anyways, so you mine as well master the shit out of whatever it is that sets that heart of yours ablaze.

Sure there's a million leather makers, silversmiths, horse trainers, top hands; but the good ones are in a league of their own; often imitated, never equaled. Why? Because their obsession with refinement and addiction to becoming a better version of themselves is above any self doubts; above their ego; above the notion that their past must surely dictate their future.

If you don't start, someone else will. Don't let the wonder of what you could've become haunt you when you're 80. You can have anything you want; but you've got to have self discipline first.